I just finished listening to another Mel Robbins’ work–Audible Original Kick Ass. It was amazing and I need to listen to it again (and again and again), but there were multiple things she said that made me think “wow, that’s totally me.” One of the most interesting things I got from it was that sometimes overeating (and smoking – but I don’t do that) is your way of saying “F*@k you” to the world. In my case, I actually have told a coach something similar. When I’m at work, other people are basically controlling my entire day, every day. When I’m at home, my husband is making some priorities for me–like making dinner, doing laundry, etc. (since left to me I would hire a nanny for us). The only time I feel like I have complete control over everything is by what I put into my mouth. So since I have exclusive control, my brain is screaming “F*@k you all! See what I’m eating? See how much I’m eating? I don’t care. I’m doing what I want because I have control over it!”

I’m not dumb enough to think that that is the most ridiculous thing you may have heard. It is the most ridiculous thing I have heard! I am doing horrible things to my health because I’m eating the wrong things and overeating. Most of my medical issues can be directly traced to being overweight. This has definitely been my way of saying “F*@k you, world!”

I have heard a lot on podcasts and in books lately about our inner child. I think I’ve shared before that mine is named Lucy–the Charlie Brown Lucy who acts like she’s helping and then pulls the football away at the last minute. Lucy is really, really mean to me. She says things that I wouldn’t say to my worst enemy. So overeating is also my way of saying “Shut up, Lucy.” But you know what? It doesn’t work. That bitch starts right up again as soon as the last bite is in my mouth. “You really didn’t need that last piece.” “You shouldn’t have eaten that.” “You’re not even hungry.” “What the hell are you doing?” “How fat do you want to be?”

Please don’t message me about whatever supplement you’re selling. I don’t want any. I need to learn a new way of eating NATURALLY. A way of eating what I NEED and not necessarily what I WANT. I’ve done this enough times that I know I don’t need to eat an entire dessert when one bite will suffice. Usually I read the description which sounds like the most delicious thing I’ve ever heard of (very good writers) but the first bite is enough to tell me while it may be good, it isn’t as great as I was expecting and it’s certainly not worth eating the entire thing but satisfies the craving. But those starving children in China from my childhood are always in there playing with Lucy while she pushes them to the front and reminds me not to be wasteful. But I would much rather throw away a little bit of food than add it to my myriad health problems.

So my 2018 word of the year–HEALTH–starts now . . . again. And I will keep starting it until I get it right. This time, I’m working with my primary care medical professional to make this happen and I am excited at the prospects. Whole food, calorie counting, water, and later we will add exercise. Anyone want to join me?