Category Archives: Friends

Where the Hell Have I Been?

Where have I been for the last nearly three years? Living. Some days, barely, but I’ve been living and getting through this thing called life. I find that my last post was in June 2020. I think the pandemic really messed with my mind and I really neglected my blogs. But here’s what I have been up to:

  • Grandbaby #2 and I closed Las Vegas down at the start of the pandemic. We were enjoying the trip she chose to celebrate her high school graduation. We went even though things were starting to get crazy (or different) because of COVID. We took masks and hand sanitizer and drove to Las Vegas. We did things, took pictures, and had a great time. As we were preparing to leave, shows were closing, streets were empty, and people were staying home. We basically shut Vegas down.
At CSI: The Experience in Las Vegas
  • We were quarantined at home for my job. I learned to efficiently work from home. I saved a two-hour commute every day. I also learned that I really missed my human connection. We ended up going into the office three days a week, which solved that problem. It was a real surprise to me that I would not be ecstatic just staying by myself 24/7.
  • Grandbaby #3 graduated from high school in May 2020 with a drive-up graduation. It was at least broadcast so I could watch it live! We didn’t go on his celebration trip for another year, but in July 2021, we went to his chosen location—San Diego. He hadn’t ever seen the Pacific Ocean, so we did that first. We did a whole lot—museums, Hop-On/Hop-Off bus trips, great food, we even used our Airbnb host’s amazing tickets to a Padres game. It was, once again, an amazing opportunity to spend time with the adult version of the grandchild I watched being born.

  • I went to Chicago with two friends for our NALS Conference. We spent extra days exploring the amazing city and riding around on the Hop On/Hop Off bus to see even more. We saw a lot, ate some amazing food, and learned a lot. And we celebrated friendship, which I appreciated even more.
  • My mom suffered from dementia for many years. It was hard for me to watch and even harder when she forgot who I was. Dementia is such a horrible, ugly disease. It also forgot to tell my mom’s heart to continue pumping and she died rather unexpectedly in September 2021. I felt like I had lost her years before with her dementia, but she was there, humming Frere Jacques when she was happy—and she hummed it a lot, so at least she was happy even though I was not. I didn’t see her as much as I should have because it was painful and I regret that, but I can’t change it.
  • One way of dealing with my mom’s death was that I got another tattoo. It was bigger than I initially anticipated, but I love it. It reminds me that the pieces of my heart that are gone from this earth come back to me as butterflies that I see almost daily, so I know they are all watching out for me and make me want to make them proud.

  • Once Mom was gone, we tried to do more with my Dad, since he and my sister had been her caretakers for years with no time for themselves. We went on family trips to the casino, celebrated Christmas with almost all of the kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids present, went out to dinner, and I listened to a whole lot of stories I hadn’t heard before. And then he got COVID. He hated—HATED—being in the hospital and just wanted to go home. Unfortunately, his body wasn’t producing enough oxygen to make that possible and he passed in February 2022. It crushed me. I was now an orphan. I wasn’t done listening to his stories. I wasn’t done doing the things he wanted to do (like visiting the town in Illinois where he went to elementary school). I wasn’t done showing him how much I appreciated his sacrifices for the life I had. I just wasn’t done. I still have moments where my eyes tear up—especially when I see a butterfly.
  • Grandbaby #4 graduated from high school in May 2021. I also got to watch his graduation ceremony live online as they had a limit on the number of tickets for each graduate. We went on his celebration trip in November 2022. We did what we titled the “Amusement Park Tour.” We drove to California and spent two days in Disneyland/California Adventure, then on to Knott’s Berry Farm, and finally to Universal Studios. We had so much fun on all the rides. I even surprised him by going on rides he didn’t think I would go on (I may be old, but I’m not dead and why the heck not?). I was a little bit worried in Knott’s Berry Farm when they made me leave my glasses in the bin for a couple of the rides because they could have flown off, but those rides were awesome!

  • After celebrating our firm’s 9th anniversary and thinking ahead of how we would celebrate our 10th anniversary, I found out that the founders decided to close the firm as of September 30, 2022. I was lucky enough to work there until December 31, 2022, getting everything buttoned up and transferred out. I’m still doing some stuff closing things up (I’m not sure it will ever end), but on my own schedule. I was unbelievably sad to see this chapter of my life end. I was planning to go part-time in January 2023 since I was eligible for Social Security and wanted to slow down and enjoy life, but on my terms. This changed the plan I had in my head.
  • So in January 2023, I started my own business working with attorneys I had worked with throughout my 40+ year career doing what I do—just from my house. I’m not as busy as I thought I would be, but I’m finding that that is not a bad thing.
  • We celebrated our annual BFF Christmas in January 2023 in Las Vegas. We decided to get dressed up and go to Giada’s for dinner one night. We talked a lot about doing it every time we were there, so we finally did it! And Giada was eating dinner there that night! Our waiter told us that she enjoyed taking pictures and chatting with customers, so we ate slowly and found an opportunity to chat with her for just a couple of minutes and get a picture or two! The food was amazing and Giada was wonderful! We will definitely go back! And I’ve heard a rumor they’re building one here in Arizona, so we may spend more of our monthly dinners there!
  • When I decided to work part-time, I also decided to go on a cruise from Athens into the Adriatic Sea to visit places like Dubrovnik and Corfu. Again, Facebook ads enticed me with Virgin Voyages—an adults-only cruise. The thought of no kids running and splashing in the pool and parents yelling at them while I was sitting and enjoying adult beverages by the pool was the thing that made the decision for me. I upgraded my room to have a huge balcony with a hammock. My travel buddy is coming with me and we are so very excited about our destinations, the food, the drinks, and all the fun we will have! Watch this blog for more about that!
  • Three of my siblings decided to go on a cruise to Alaska, so of course I had to say yes. My husband is going with me on this one and so far we have all scheduled the world’s largest and longest zipline and some amazing dinners!
  • THEN I am going with my sister-in-law on a cruise from Venice to Athens so I will catch all the Greek Islands I will miss the first time! I’m looking forward to spending time with my sister-in-law (who has been part of my life for over 50 years) in one of my favorite places (Venice) and exploring many new places.
  • I got another tattoo that says “One more” to remind me that everything I do could be the last time—every dinner with my friends could be the last time, every visit with my grandbabies and my kids could be the last one, every vacation I take could be the last one. So it is a reminder to live every single experience as if it were the last one and do the things I want to do and be the person I want to be and enjoy the experience as much as possible. I also recently decided that if someone hugs me, I will be the last to let go. I will let my love for them flow through the hug. I will hug as if it is the last time I will hug them.

My plan for the future is to enjoy my life, treat each day as the last one, and share all of that with you by blogging more frequently, including blogging during my many trips this summer/fall. Stay tuned for how my life is going in this second half of my 60s and all the things I’ve learned and continue to learn along the way!

Don’t Phub Me!

I recently learned a new word–phubbing. What is phubbing you might ask? It’s snubbing the person you’re having a conversation with to look at your phone. I am as guilty as anyone (and maybe even more so) of phubbing friends and acquaintances. I have even done some experimenting while I’m watching TV and looking at my phone. When that is happening, I am NOT paying attention to the TV and miss whatever was happening and have to rewind to catch up. Unfortunately, we can’t do that to conversations with people. Yet, when we are phubbing them, we are missing whatever it is that they’re saying. While it may well be boring, IT IS RUDE! Put your damn phone away and spend some quality time with others. We truly don’t need to be on our phones 24/7. I’ve mentioned before that I’m really trying to put my phone away and be intentional about my time with family and friends and it really does make a difference.

PHUBBING2.jpg

Sometimes, it even helps you notice that people are–indeed–phubbing you. They think they are paying attention and they think they are participating in the conversation, but they’re not. If you watch, they might smile over a Facebook post or text, they might share it with you (even though it has nothing to do with what your conversation was about), they might wince at some news story that flashed on their phone, but whatever it is they’re doing, they are NOT participating in the conversation with YOU!

I’m pretty sure that sometimes it is my introvert way of not dealing with others. If someone is sitting by themselves obviously looking at their phone, what is the chance of someone stopping and striking up a conversation? Pretty dang slim. So instead of meeting a potential new friend, I am caught up on the last 15 minutes of Facebook posts. That really is not a great trade.

Let’s make a pact to stop phubbing people. When you are having quality time with family or friends, put your phone away. The world won’t end if you don’t even look at it until you need to schedule the next outing with your friends or the next family event. I promise it won’t. And you will survive not looking at your phone for an hour or two. You just might be pleasantly surprised with how much fun a non-phubbing conversation can be. In fact, I recently went to dinner with friends and once everyone was there, phones were miraculously put away. It was a great evening of laughter, catching up, and true friendship–that actually continued for another hour in the parking lot–WITHOUT PHONES! That non-phubbing evening was special to me. Try it and you just may find that time spent NOT phubbing your friends will be special to you too!

 

It’s All About Perspective

I recently had dinner with a friend. Among our many topics of conversation were our respective blogs. I shared with her my goals and plans for my proofreading blog (proofthatblog.com) and how I saw it all coming together. She said something to the effect that if I did one piece first (the piece I was planning to do last because it is the biggest and scariest), then I have all the other pieces basically done. Seriously. Mind. Blown.

Sometimes, no matter how many times we play any scenario in our heads and feel like it makes total and complete sense, talking to someone else about it helps put things into alignment. It felt like my brain is a pinball machine and I keep hitting the paddles to move things around in there adding goals, dropping tasks, trying to keep everything moving. And all it took was one sentence to make those balls all roll into alignment. One sentence by someone with a totally different perspective than I have!

pinballs

We both have blogs that end up with similar topics. I have this one and she has one titled “Even Better Today” (https://evenbettertoday.wordpress.com/). We were discussing some blog post ideas we had each written down. Some were the same, some were very similar, and some were very different. Did I feel threatened about the topics that were the similar or the same? Heck no! We each have a different perspective on those topics so I’m pretty sure they will be entirely different posts.

I think we will spend much more time on our new “blog mastermind” that I’ve set up in my head (and I really need to share that with her). I always knew the value of her perspective, but I don’t think I had ever shared my real “plan.” Once I did, the BHAG (big hairy audacious goals) that I was putting off because they were scary seemed not quite so scary. It was a plan. A workable plan. Something I can start on TODAY!

Perspective is different for every person based on their life experiences, education, tribe, goals, and dreams. Whatever you do, don’t automatically dismiss someone else’s perspective on your goals and dreams. It reminds me of dealing with my mother-in-law when I was first married and having children. She was full of advice. Some of it was good and some of it not so much (like seriously, putting the pacifier in sugar or liquor before giving it back to the baby??). I listened to it all and then used it (or not) as I was making my way through new territories. If you are lucky enough to have people in your life who want to see you reach your goals and dreams and are smart enough to help you, take advantage of it. Listen to all of their thoughts. Take what you need from that and use it and leave the rest. Because this is our life, not theirs. It needs to have your spin on it, not theirs. But I’m a firm believer in gathering all the facts you can to make a good decision (but don’t get so mired in the fact-finding that you keep delaying a decision!). So find someone who is interested and knowledgeable in what you’re struggling with and LISTEN to them. And then have another conversation with them and LISTEN again. And keep listening and taking pieces that you need to make yourself better. Listening is a skill. You don’t have to act on every single piece of information you hear, but take what you need, morph other stuff into something you need, and either dismiss the rest or store it in case you need it later.

In other words, be open to another person’s perspective. You don’t have to adopt all of their ideas or try to live their life, but our lives are a conglomeration of experiences with all kinds of different people and situations. Just be open to more of these experiences and perspectives. That’s my plan!

Bitchy McGrumperson Is Not Welcome Here

bitchyIt’s been a very rough holiday season for me. Not only was I completely overwhelmed with new work responsibilities, but part of getting older is that your kids are also older and have their own lives and traditions. This year, and for I think the first time in my adult life, neither of them was able to share Christmas with me. We are doing a late Christmas celebration with my son and his family this weekend, so I’m feeling better about it.

In the meantime, I feel like I have been Bitchy McGrumperson. And that made me think about how some conversations I have with friends are all me complaining. While I feel like I need to release that somewhere, holding conversations with friends that are full of my complaints isn’t fair to them or to me. I would love to have positive, uplifting conversations with my friends. And I will.

Another piece of getting older that has been really hard for me is that my husband has been going through his hunting and fishing stuff (and trust me, there is a TON of it) and getting rid of a lot of it because he physically can’t do it anymore. He’s been hunting and fishing since he was a teenager and it has been difficult for both of us to face the fact that there are things we are just not able to do anymore. Some of us haven’t admitted it yet and are doing everything possible to continue to be able to do it all but realistically there are limitations.

I don’t want to be old. It has been more obvious to me lately that I am getting there. Sharing television shows that I grew up with with friends who have never seen them (like who has never seen The Partridge Family??), hearing music by groups that younger people don’t even know, looking at a Christmas tree (or two) full of ornaments from the last 43 years that bring back a rush of wonderful memories, but remind me that I’ve been decorating a tree for 43 years. It all has come crashing down on me this holiday season.

But the new year is a chance to check in and make changes to things that make you unhappy. I just this week found a new song on my iPod that I hadn’t paid attention to before–A Beautiful Day by India Arie (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZNavhGrzJ4). If you listen to the lyrics, it is an amazing message. In fact, I think it will be my 2018 anthem that I will listen to every morning on the way to work to get my head in the right place. Work should calm down some, my kids will continue to get older and have their own life traditions, my grandkids will continue to grow and start new traditions in their lives, friends will come and go, and life will go on. I fully intend to be part of my family’s traditions (by force if necessary) and I have promises of continuing with old family Christmas traditions this next year because my kids were unhappy to miss out on them, so 2018 promises to be another amazing year.

Age is something that I have no control over, but how I treat people, how I allow others to treat me, and how I treat myself are all in my control. I will make a real effort to take charge of my own life and be happy where I am. Bitchy McGrumperson can take a hike. Life is far too short to spend it bitching and complaining and feeling  like others are in control of my life. Here’s to an absolutely remarkable 2018!

Bitch and Complain or Preach and Sustain

Have you ever listened to yourself in a conversation? Are you positive sounding? If everything that comes out of your mouth is a negative thought, how do you think that makes you feel? And then how do you come off to others? 

I know there are plenty of times that I complain about things, but I’m actually trying to be better about catching myself and changing my words. If you are putting negative energy into your world, what do you think you are getting back? You guessed it! You’re getting back negative energy. Do you want that in your life? Or do you want people around you to feel that energy and try to change it for you? Is that really fair to them? You are the only one in charge of you. 

I’ve known energy vampires throughout my life. Those are the people who suck the energy out of you while you’re trying to help them be less negative to keep your energy positive. Those people are physically and emotionally draining. They truly suck all of your energy out of you. And that leaves no positive energy for you. People with no positive energy are true Negative Nellies.

I’ve spent time with people who were so negative, their energy completely enveloped me, making me believe all of the negative crap they were saying. I then have to make the decision to either get sucked into all that negativity or change the subject (and my outlook) into something much more positive.

The next time you are in a group of people, just listen to the conversation around you. Do you have people at the airport describing in great detail the problems they had getting to the airport, checking bags, making connections, or boarding? What does that do to you? Does it make you worry about the rest of your trip and what things could go wrong? What about the people at work complaining (constantly) about the boss? Does that make you start thinking that those things are true and making you focus on every little thing that goes wrong but may not even affect you? Just stop! When you start hearing those things and you’re not involved in the conversation, turn your ears off. Quit listening to the negativity. If you are part of the conversation, redirect it. Start talking about something else and ask questions of others in the conversation to get them talking about something else. Start making other people feel positive about their own life. 

Life is far too short to be mired in negativity. Don’t participate in it and don’t condone it. Think about good things going on in your life and work to perpetuate them. Preach positivity. Lift people up. Positive thoughts multiply just the same way negative thoughts do, and I would much rather be surrounded by positive thoughts and positive people–and so I am! I’ve made that choice to make my life better. Shouldn’t you?

Show Your Love . . . Before It’s Too Late

Tell ThemI heard news today that tore at my heart. The father of my grandchildrens’ friends was killed yesterday in a traffic accident. I had never met him nor had I met his family. But the fact that it will affect my family affected me.

I’m not going to go into detail about exactly what happened to him other than to make a few points, and these don’t necessarily have anything to do with the details, just things that come into my mind:

  1. You never know when you will lose a loved one or good friend. Tell them today that you love them. Don’t wait! Treat them each day like it will be the last time you see them.
  2. Please, please be careful when you’re driving. Put your phone away and concentrate on what you’re doing. Pay attention. When you are driving, drive. Don’t drive distracted. Don’t Snapchat in your car. Don’t record your carpool karaoke for YouTube. Don’t have crazy conversations with your friends. Just. Drive.
  3. Recognize that your vehicle is a weapon. It is very capable of killing someone and I can’t imagine the horror of living with that for the rest of your life.
  4. Pray for everyone. Pray for his family that is now tasked with learning to live without his physical presence. Pray for the young woman who was behind the wheel of the car that killed him that she can somehow learn to deal with that knowledge. Pray for the police officers who came upon the horrific scene and now have to investigate exactly what happened. Pray for all of the people who knew him and didn’t get the chance to say goodbye. And say a little prayer for yourself that you can do the things I’ve mentioned above to prevent another senseless tragedy.

Take care of yourself and all of your loved ones, whether related by blood or by love. And please tell people how much they mean to you TODAY.

The Importance of Averages . . . and Friends

-You Are The AverageOf The Five PeopleYou Spend The Most Time With-Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” This is a very important life lesson. Look at your closest circle of friends and if you spend any time with them at all, you will note that you all share traits, likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. etc. Everything is not exact, of course, because you’re all your own people, but when you spend time with people, you pick up on their attitudes and habits–whether they are good or bad. The next time you are with your group of friends, just watch for a while and decide if you really want to be like them.

Are your friends Debbie Downers? Always complaining about EVERYTHING? Do they hate everyone and everything? Do they gossip incessantly?

Something to remember is that if they are complaining about everything to you and gossiping to you about other people, chances are really good that they are doing the same about you to others. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life

You need to hang around with people who are your biggest cheerleaders. The people who will push you just a little to do something you really want to do but talk yourself out of because you aren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, just plain enough. Because you are! And you need the people who will tell you so on your team.

You need people who will motivate you, who will encourage you to be adventurous, who will play and have fun with you, who will always want you to be your absolute best. You DON’T need someone who is always trying to get you into trouble, who talks you into doing things you don’t think are right, who tries to get you to dislike people or be a “mean girl,” who put you down to lift themselves up.

True friends will help you up and slow down if they have to so you can keep up or encourage you to keep up with them. They will encourage you to do more than you ever thought was possible. They will always be there cheering you on–no matter what it is you are doing.

Those are the people you need in your life because that’s how you want to be. So take a good hard look at the people you are surrounding yourself with. If you really don’t want to be like them, start finding a new group of friends. Trust me, the old “friends” won’t miss you a bit and you will be replaced before you can say “I love myself too much to hang around you.”