I’ve seen often the poem about friends being here for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime. I’ve had the privilege to have all of those.

Sometimes there is something going on in your life when an angel in the form of a friend comes into your life. Once what you are going through is done, so are they and they disappear from your life.

Sometimes there is a period in your life when you need a certain kind of friend and they show up. Once you have moved on, so do they.

Then there are friends for a lifetime. While I’ve had many of these friends that I thought would be an important piece of my life forever, one or both of us have moved on. We haven’t completely left each other’s lives, and we remain important parts of each other’s lives, even though we don’t see each other often.

One of my favorite stories is when I happened to read a Sunday newspaper (which I very rarely do anymore) and saw the obituary of the mother of my best friend from junior high and high school. After graduation, I got married (she was my maid of honor) and then so did she and she moved away. I wrestled with whether to attend the funeral service or not. I’m practically an expert at talking myself out of things, but in the end, I decided it was important for me to go. I walked into the church and her brothers recognized me immediately. She was off to the side of the church getting herself together and praying before the service started. I touched her shoulder, she looked up and jumped up to hug me. Neither of us wanted to let go and she kept telling me she was so glad I was there. She kept saying
that me being there grounded her. All the pieces fell into place (reading a newspaper, talking myself into attending, and actually showing up) and that day I was her friend for a reason. We spend hours together that night and I was really happy that I made the right decision.

I am so lucky in my life right now to have many “lifetime” friends. They are all really important in my life and have had a hand in the person I am today. They make me laugh, listen when I complain, give me ideas for dealing with things that are bothering me, make me feel special, and teach me more about life than I ever thought possible.

But then so have all my other friends, whether for a reason or for a season. I feel like every person I have met and spent time with (even some Facebook friends that I have never physically met) have somehow had an impact on my life. Whether encouraging me to do something that scared me, giving me advice that I needed to hear (whether I thought so at the time or not), being there when I needed a shoulder, introducing me to concerts, vacations, plays, foods, and lots of other things I didn’t know enough about to know whether I would enjoy it or not, and who have made me a better mother, wife, and employee. Everyone you spend time with has an impact on your life–sometimes negative and sometimes positive.

Seek out those who have a positive impact on your life. There is enough negativity around without having it as a constant. You can easily tell the difference in how they make you feel when you spend time with them. Whether you can’t wait until the next time you get together or you are completely drained by what feels like an energy vampire, it is your choice. Make a good one!

Having been married for over 42 years, I understand how hard marriage is. But it is worth it!

It is far too easy these days to give up on marriage. Get tired of your spouse? Get a divorce. Can’t stand the way they spend money? Get a divorce. Have a big argument? Get a divorce.

Now I’m not stupid enough to realize that sometimes divorce is the best answer, but I don’t think some people give marriage enough of a chance. A successful marriage takes work. It means that sometimes you put up with some things you don’t particularly like, like when his idea of “cleaning the kitchen” is loading the dishwasher, but not wiping off counters or closing cabinet doors. It means sometimes you need to have a discussion about really important topics. It means sometimes you come up with creative solutions to hard problems (which is why we’ve had separate checking accounts for over 30 years). It means sometimes you do things you don’t really want to do because your spouse wants to do them.

It certainly hasn’t been roses and rainbows for 42 years, but we have had lows and we have had highs. I’ve actually been very lucky. He treats me like a queen and we own things and have had experiences I never thought we would because he works hard and likes those things too.

And no doubt about it, he’s pretty lucky too because I put up with some of his idiosyncrasies. But that’s what marriage is–it is loving deeply, being best friends, putting up with a whole lot of crap, and thoroughly enjoying life together.

I’m lucky because my husband and I are opposites–I love to travel, he hates it. I love to eat out, he has celiac disease and is highly restricted. I love socializing, he loves sitting on the back porch with a cigar. He is very easy going and lets me do what I love with friends while he does what he loves. We’ve come to the comfortable point in our lives where it doesn’t matter that we have separate interests, because we always come back together because we love each other and have chosen our marriage over anything else.

Yes, it is hard. Yes, it is worth it. Yes, it is something worth fighting for.

I spent the bulk of my life not knowing the best way to take care of my skin. I often tell myself that I was young and had plenty of time to worry about dry skin, oily skin, acne, moisturizing, tweezing, and many other pieces of a beauty regime. And here I am. I have since learned many things about products and when and how to use them. Between that and good genetics, I’ve been very lucky.

Using lotion when you get out of the shower is a quick way to ensure your skin gets some of the moisture it needs, but the best way is to drink water. While there are many different suggestions for how much water to drink, just drink water. Especially in our dry Arizona climate, drinking water is really important. I know I feel better when I drink enough water–which I don’t do often enough.

So take care of your skin. Wash with a good quality product every day. Once you keep doing it, you won’t be able to go to bed without washing your face because it will feel like there is an inch of grime on it. So wash! Then moisturize your face with a quality moisturizer. When they say that the skin around your eyes and on your hands gets thin as you age, they are right. So don’t pull on the skin under your eyes and don’t use your pointer finger to apply product under your eyes. Use your ring finger as it has less power than any of the other fingers.

Then moisturize your body–especially your hands. I don’t know if it is thin skin or just veins out of control and wanting to be noticed, but if anyone had any doubt about my age, they would only have to look at my hands. All those years I said “next time” are showing.

You only get one body, so take care of it. Your body really is your temple and it is the one thing that everybody who meets you sees. Impress the hell out of them by keeping your skin looking young by taking care of it. It’s not fun, but it is necessary.

I know when my kids were little, one of the first things they learned was saying “please” and “thank you.” As they grew, they learned other normal manners. Holding doors, calling adults Mr. or Mrs. until instructed otherwise, not taking the last of something–the usual.

Every day as I am out in public, I wonder where the manners are. Just today, I had a young man barge onto an elevator before me and not hold the door or the button. I’ve had women go out the door ahead of me and let go. I rarely hear anyone say thank you.

That is an amazingly powerful two words. But don’t say it just to say it. Look the person you want to thank in the eye and say “Thank you.” Whether to your barista, the person delivering your food or refilling your drink glass, the person actually cooking your food when you pick it up, or anyone who helps or does something for you. Yes, they are doing their job, but they are doing it FOR YOU! You can afford the two seconds it might take you to say “Thank you.”

Appreciation is one of the best motivators there is. People want to be recognized for doing a good job. Tell them when they are. It doesn’t hurt you or lower you in any way, but you could make someone’s day with that one small act. Don’t let it become rote, but help someone feel like they did their job well today.

It doesn’t take much, but manners are really important. It shows someone that they matter to you. Otherwise, it appears that it’s all about you–and in real life, it is not!

One of my greatest memories of growing up is of our family camping trips. Our family didn’t have a lot of money and with five kids, a trip to Disneyland or someplace like that was pretty much out of the question. So we went camping. In a tent. Without electricity. And it was marvelous!

I must admit, I don’t think I could do that now, but I would go in a tent trailer or motel or something like that. I would really much rather go glamping, but I digress.

Camping meant we got our dad to make his Dutch oven biscuits. It meant we got sodas. It meant the family was all together for the weekend. It meant sometimes we camped with other families, so there were even more kids than my bratty brothers and sisters. It meant if we were at a lake, we could go into the water and look for shells and stones and if we were in the forest, we looked for animal tracks, pine cones, and leaves.

Camping meant we weren’t distracted but could play War with a deck of cards for hours or make homemade ice cream or cook marshmallows on long sticks to get them a perfect golden brown.

Camping meant my family was making memories. While to quote Dory “I have a short term remembery problem” so I don’t remember lots of details, I know that my heart warms when I think of our camping trips, and I know that I have siblings who will be only too ready to fill in the details of how I always got to ride in the front seat because I was the “privileged princess” (I actually get carsick but they will never admit that).

It was a way of getting away from the small houses we lived in, getting away from the day-to-day boredom for us (and I’m sure stresses for my parents), getting into a new setting, and being a family.

It was communing with nature. No television–just each other and the birds in the trees or water lapping on the shore.

I’m sure at the time I was annoyed because I would rather stay home in my room and read or go out with friends, but looking back now, I wouldn’t trade those experiences for anything. If you just can’t camp, go out of town for a picnic and put your phone away. Be with your kids or with your parents or other family. Be all there with them. Enjoy the outdoors, smell the fresh air, and actually listen to the sound of nature. It’s so much better than the white noise sounds marked as “nature” on your app. It is true relaxation. And it is necessary!

We all know that spending too much time watching television is not good for us. But do we stop? No. How else would we fill the time we spend watching TV? We could clean house (never my first choice!), we could play games all night on our electronic device of choice, we could actually talk to someone, or we could read.

I feel like reading isn’t as important as it used to be. Do kids even still do book reports at school? I’ve said before that children who read develop into adults who are more intelligent. And I don’t think it matters WHAT you read, just that you read. The editorial process seems to be such that the rules of grammar are followed (for the most part) so you are learning how to use our language. In addition, you are probably learning something. Even some fiction can at least develop your interest in another topic that could lead you to reading more non-fiction about that topic. For instance, I “read” (actually I listened to it through Audible) the entire Outlander series and I have developed a bit of an interest in Scottish history.

You can also read motivational books or articles to help you get out of your own way, you can read short stories to help you realize how blessed your life really is, you can read newspapers and magazines to keep you in the know about more current events.

Reading is important or, said in a much better way, Reading Is Fundamental. That is one of the best advertising lines in history because it IS fundamental. How can you cook if you can’t read a recipe? How can you solve a math problem if you can’t read the details about how many donuts Susie has and how many bananas Joey has? How can you do just about anything if you can’t read the instructions for it? Reading is important!

Before your children can read for themselves, you should read to them. And you should read to them regularly. Then let them see you reading! They will realize that it is important to you and something they should do while they are spending their time being your best copycat. Keep taking them to the library or a bookstore and let them choose a book or two. Most libraries have programs for kids. Enroll them! Praise them when they read. Ask them to tell you about the books they’re reading. Get them to talk about it and let them know how proud you are of them.

Even a few minutes a day is a good way to give yourself a “break.” And you deserve one! If you have much of a commute at all, audio books are a great way to “read.” But I will warn you–be very careful! I listened to one audio book and got to the end of the book on the way to work–and ended up crying and messing up my makeup before I even got to work. But I’m very much a person who inserts myself into the story so whatever is happening is happening to me (maybe that’s one reason I loved the Outlander series so much!)

The only downside to reading is that you may end up staying up to late, foregoing other activities, and avoiding humans so you can get back to reading more quickly. Just READ! Your life will change for the better.

I love my kids! I’m sure you love your kids or other littles in your life just as much. Today’s advice is to love on them with love and with experiences–not with things.

Television commercials have made it far too easy for kids to scream “I want that” to every single commercial. Even though they don’t even know what THAT is, retailers have gotten remarkably good at using commercials to make kids think they have to have something. And they don’t.

My kids (who are adults with children of their own) STILL look for Santa’s footprints when they come over at Christmas. It was a tradition started when the kids were really little that Santa made magic footprints that didn’t melt from the fireplace to the tree. They always looked for that first before checking out what was under the tree. That is an experience.

Each year for their birthday, I would take the day off work and take them out of school (if they were doing well) to spend the day with them doing whatever they wanted to do. My son’s birthday happened to be during Spring Training season here in Arizona, so he always wanted to go watch his precious Cubbies who played in our city. So we would go to a Spring Training baseball game. My daughter usually wanted to go shopping (on a budget) or get mani/pedis. It is easy to do and costs as much as  you want to spend, but it makes a huge difference in kids’ lives. That is an experience.

I do the same thing with my grandchildren who live in Arizona, although they are relegated to weekends — both because that’s when my son has them and it’s easier for me. We usually end up at Dave & Buster’s for lunch and games, then shopping for one school outfit, and lunch. With seven grandchildren and six of them having birthdays between June 5 and September 20, it can be expensive, but it’s definitely some of the best money I could spend. They know when their birthday is near and start asking when “NAME OF GRANDCHILD day” is. That is an experience.

Every year around Christmas, I spend time with as many of my seven grandchildren as are in town and available and we make Christmas cookies. My oldest granddaughter is 16 and we’ve been doing it every year since she was maybe 4. They ask every year when “cookie day” is. We couldn’t get schedules together this past year, and we all missed it so we will make extra effort to make sure we hold “cookie day” this year. I let them look at Christmas cookie recipes (usually with pictures) and they choose what they like best. We make 2-3 different kinds, but they love decorating sugar cookies so most of our effort goes there. We have in the past couple of years made the melting snowman cookies which they loved. That is an experience.

I started taking the grandchildren to Disneyland for their 13th birthday. I’m lucky that my kids spaced their children well so that they are all a year apart (for the first 5 years) and the same sex in sets, so the two oldest girls and my daughter have gone, the next two boys and my son went last year, and the next two girls are already making plans for next year’s Disneyland trip. None of them has ever been before, so I have the honor of sharing their very first Disney experience with them. I’m blessed that I can do it and that I can give that experience to them.

Children will very rarely remember what gift you gave them for their 5th birthday, but they will certainly remember if you gave them an experience for that same birthday. It is important to do that. It proves to them that they are important to us–more important than our jobs, our friends, etc.–which is how every child should feel. It is one day out of 365 that is all theirs–no one else’s, just theirs.

I’ve taken grandchildren to Broadway in Arizona productions, Yo Gabba Gabba concerts, plays, ballets, and even to see Justin Bieber (thank goodness for earplugs!).

Try it. I guarantee that it won’t make a difference in just the child’s life but it will make a huge difference in yours. And be warned! It is highly addicting and you will want to make sure to clear your calendar to participate every year. And it is oh so worth it!