Category Archives: Gratitude

Our Normal Is Someone Else’s Perfect

Our Normal Is Someone Else's PerfectI recently spent some time in Sedona, Arizona, with one of my granddaughters. While driving around, I saw beautiful houses in this gorgeous area full of red rocks, rock formations, and vortices. Then I saw some of those beautiful homes with campers or trailers in the back yard. My first thought was why in the world would someone want to leave this gorgeous area to go somewhere else? Then I thought that perhaps my “perfect” is just someone else’s normal.

That theory trickles down. You may have a better house, better car, better view, or better job than someone else and they are wondering why you’re complaining. Those things might be their “perfect” while it’s our “normal.” It’s those things we have and see every day. Perhaps we need to stop and look at what we have and do through someone else’s eyes. The house you’ve had for 10 years? It could seem like a mansion to someone else. The car that you dread getting into every day because the window sticks? Perhaps it’s better than walking for someone else.

Spend some time just surveying all that you have. It may not be better than someone else’s–in fact, chances are excellent that it is not–but your “normal” is still someone else’s “perfect.” Be satisfied with it. If you’re not happy with it, make it better. If you hate it, move or sell and buy something you are happy with. Something that is “perfect” for you–at least until it becomes your “normal.”

I just feel like I need to be grateful for what I have been blessed with. It’s certainly not the nicest house, car, etc. even in my own neighborhood, but it is perfect for me. It is my “normal” and I’m sure there are a lot of people who think it is their “perfect.” So I need to be better about realizing that it is my “perfect” and treat it that way.

Surgery, Cancer, Love, and Life

My dad recently spent several days in the hospital after surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from his colon and connect it back to his intestine. My dad is 83. He has had back surgeries, a quadruple bypass, and other medical issues throughout his life. He admits that he didn’t expect to live so long and his lifestyle didn’t do anything to change that expectation at all. But he is living this long and he is reasonably healthy for being on this earth for 83 years.

The surgery worried me because he was expected to get notes from his cardiologist and his pulmonologist allowing the surgery. I saw the note from his cardiologist and it said he “would be high risk for a major cardiovascular event” associated with this surgery. In my mind, I was sure they wouldn’t do the surgery. But the option was letting the cancer spread. Not a good option. All of his doctors said he was a strong guy and they knew he would do OK. I translate that to say that he’s a tough old bastard. And that he is.

We waited in the waiting room for something like three hours (it’s easy to lose track when you’re sitting for hours). Doing our part for the family and obviously signaling the surgeon that it was time to come talk to everyone, my sister and I went down to get coffee for everyone and the doctor came in so we missed him. The surgery had gone well and Dad was in recovery. He was there for another few hours until they moved him to ICU and we got to see him. He was so thirsty and eventually got some ice chips and made some crude (and hysterical) comments to my mom, so I knew for sure he had made it through and was on the way to recovery. He has had some other issues at the hospital (mostly from a lack of communication by hospital staff), but each time muscles through and keeps going.

The biggest lessons from this entire experience were:

  • My dry sense of humor is all compliments of my dad.
  • I love spending time with my siblings. We were probably laughing inappropriately for a hospital waiting room and ICU, but we are damn funny people.
  • My sister (the retired one I’ve complained about, I mean, mentioned before) is absolutely an amazing human being. She has pretty much single-handedly handled both staying with and advocating for my dad as much as she could in the hospital and taking care of my mom who is suffering from dementia. That task scares the crap out of me and she handles it like a pro. My other sister, brother, and I (the employed ones) have helped as we could, but she has carried the lion’s share of the load. I have no idea what my family would do without her.
  • I need to take care of myself. Family medical histories suck.  I have many health issues–most of which are caused by my excess weight (and some genetics). But I’m not doing anything right now to fix that. And that’s pretty much signing my own death warrant. I know better, I need to do better. And I will. I have too many things to do and too many grandbabies to watch grow into their own lives to screw this up.
  • Hospitals are not fun places. They tell you to rest and then come in every couple of hours to check vitals, give meds, draw blood, etc. But sometimes that’s where you need to be to get the help you need. A whole lot of the experience depends on the people working there. And it is the same in life. Just be nice! You could make a huge difference in someone’s life just by smiling at them, opening a door for them, or paying for their Starbucks in the drive thru lane. Be nice!
  • Love deeply and often and then tell people. In the blink of an eye, we could have lost my dad on the operating table, but we did not. I do not spend nearly enough time with my family and I want to remedy that. We often think that people know we love them and they do, but everyone likes to hear it. Unless you’re a creepy stalker, then don’t do that.
  • Life is indeed a blessing. Make the most of it–every day!

Thanksliving

thanksliving-2I just spent the Thanksgiving weekend with my daughter, her three children, and my son’s four children (and my son and his wife part of the time but they didn’t spend their nights here). There was much soda drank, microwave popcorn consumed, cookies baked, and dinners made and eaten.

One of our family traditions is Grandma Cookie Day. With my daughter and her kids living in New Mexico, it is sometimes a real struggle to coordinate time to do it, but the tradition started when my oldest granddaughter was three was carried on this year (and she is 16). While the new cookie recipes didn’t turn out as nicely as I thought they might, they had fun decorating them. We also tried making taffy candy canes, which was an interesting experience and ended up a big pink blob of taffy, but one of them took it all home.

The object of this information is that I’m thankful–thankful that my grandchildren are growing into responsible, loving, and kind young adults; thankful that they continue to all get along together; thankful that my children get along and obviously love each other; thankful that my dad had a very short hospital stay and that my daughter and her kids got to see him while they were here; thankful that family fills my heart.

Traditions are important. As I’m sure I’ve posted before, traditions are much more important than gifts or money. The adults all remind me that once the kids start thinking about Christmas, they start asking about Cookie Day. While the whole Cookie Day experience was completely exhausting, watching the kids get excited about it and spending time decorating all of those cookies was worth it and it will definitely continue as long as they want to do it (and probably even after that!).

I’m going to try to celebrate Thanksliving every day all year long. I’m going to live each day with something to be thankful for. Right now, I’m kind of thankful for quiet. While I love having a houseful, it was definitely a houseful. PLUS I have regained control of my TV remote and I’m very thankful for that!

Grateful

I’m “reading” (thanks to Audible, I’m actually listening during my 2 hour per day commute) a book that was recommended to me (The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah). It takes place during World War II in France. It is the story of a family during the War and how their lives changed. Even though I’m not yet done, it is really having an impact on me. It brings to light how truly easy my life has been.

Early in my life, we lived in “the projects.” But we had electricity, food, and family. We didn’t have to worry about standing in lines for what bits of food were rationed out or sharing our home with armed forces. Roasted pigeon? Seriously?

As I was growing up, I had a curfew, but the entire town did not have a curfew that they must abide by or suffer severe consequences–including death–for missing curfew!

My whole life, I could talk to anyone I wanted to or play with children of any religion or color. I did not have to wear something signifying that I was “different” than someone else, I did not get my name on a list of people of a certain religion, and I did not get rounded up onto buses of people on that list to be transported to camps away from friends and family. The idea that that kind of thing actually happened makes me really sad.

I recently was able to visit the Civil Rights Museum in Nashville at the Lorraine Motel where Martin Luther King Jr. was killed. Walking through the museum, looking at the persecution that people of color were forced to put up with and thinking about the stories that my parents told me also makes me sad. It makes me sad that so much of this actually happened during my lifetime. I wasn’t really old enough to know what it was about, but I was alive. So, obviously, while it is “history,” it is not history that is hundreds of years old.

Both of these things make me grateful that those people made such tremendous sacrifices so I could live my charmed life. I think I’m a strong person, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to do some of the things they were forced to do. I am not sure they pictured themselves as strong, they were just doing what they had to do to make it day-to-day. The worst I have to do to make it day-to-day is my daily commute to a fabulous job of my own choosing which requires that I drive through Phoenix rush hour traffic–in my fairly new car, with air conditioning, gasoline I can buy on just about every street corner, listening to my book, a podcast, or music that no one is editing or censoring, with hundreds of others doing the same. I have, indeed, lived a very charmed life.

 

I Am Thankful!

BE (3)Today’s thought is to be grateful. No matter how bad you think things are, you can always be grateful. Did you wake up this morning? Be grateful. Do you have a place to sleep? Be grateful. Do you have clothes to wear? Be grateful.

If you stop and think about all the things you do have and be grateful for those things, the things you don’t have may not seem so important.

While you’re thinking about that, think about the difference between “need” and “want.” Dictionary.com defines “need” as a “requirement, necessary duty, or obligation.” It defines “want” as “to feel a need or a desire for; wish for.” There is a big difference. When you “need” something, it is necessary for you to live. You NEED food, you NEED some kind of clothing (mostly because you will be arrested otherwise), you NEED water, you NEED some kind of shelter. However, you WANT dessert, you WANT expensive, fancy restaurant meals, you WANT designer duds, you WANT the biggest, most ostentatious house on the block. You don’t NEED the WANTS. 

I’ve said before that I have worked really hard for a long time and so I do give in to my WANTS from time to time. Lately on my way to work, there has been an obviously homeless man near my office. He is dirty, unshaven, and has matted hair. Worst of all he is barefoot . . . in Arizona . . . where it has been over 110 degrees most days and where asphalt is even higher temperature. He is still living and breathing and I’m sure he would feel that he has many things to be thankful for. It puts things into perspective for me in my nice car with my expensive cell phone listening to my iPod in decent clothes and air conditioning on my way to a job that pays me well and allows me to have nice things. Since I’ve seen him two or three times so far, I will find an old pair of my husband’s shoes and throw them in my car in case they might fit him. And, yes, I’m grateful for what I have and I love to share some of that with others.

There are many ways to keep track of your gratitude. There are journals, there are apps, there is pen and paper, there are friends, and there is what I end up doing–when I first lay down to go to sleep, I think about my day and come up with three things I’m grateful for. Unfortunately for me, the time between my head hitting the pillow and being asleep is not always enough to name the three things, but I think a lot of that is thinking about happy thoughts as I drift off. The advantage to actually writing it down somewhere is that you can review it later–particularly when you are having a bad day.

At work, I have a “warm fuzzies file” where I keep particularly nice emails, cards, reviews, anything that makes me feel good. There are many times when I’m having a bad day and listing the pros and cons of why I do what I do when I dig out that file and remember that there are people who appreciate me and what I do and that the pros list is much longer.

Just remember there is always, always something to be thankful for. As long as you are breathing, you should be grateful for all the little things. Thinking about all of those will keep your mind so busy, you might just forget the one thing that was upsetting you. Just. Be. Grateful.