Category Archives: Friends

Bitchy McGrumperson Is Not Welcome Here

bitchyIt’s been a very rough holiday season for me. Not only was I completely overwhelmed with new work responsibilities, but part of getting older is that your kids are also older and have their own lives and traditions. This year, and for I think the first time in my adult life, neither of them was able to share Christmas with me. We are doing a late Christmas celebration with my son and his family this weekend, so I’m feeling better about it.

In the meantime, I feel like I have been Bitchy McGrumperson. And that made me think about how some conversations I have with friends are all me complaining. While I feel like I need to release that somewhere, holding conversations with friends that are full of my complaints isn’t fair to them or to me. I would love to have positive, uplifting conversations with my friends. And I will.

Another piece of getting older that has been really hard for me is that my husband has been going through his hunting and fishing stuff (and trust me, there is a TON of it) and getting rid of a lot of it because he physically can’t do it anymore. He’s been hunting and fishing since he was a teenager and it has been difficult for both of us to face the fact that there are things we are just not able to do anymore. Some of us haven’t admitted it yet and are doing everything possible to continue to be able to do it all but realistically there are limitations.

I don’t want to be old. It has been more obvious to me lately that I am getting there. Sharing television shows that I grew up with with friends who have never seen them (like who has never seen The Partridge Family??), hearing music by groups that younger people don’t even know, looking at a Christmas tree (or two) full of ornaments from the last 43 years that bring back a rush of wonderful memories, but remind me that I’ve been decorating a tree for 43 years. It all has come crashing down on me this holiday season.

But the new year is a chance to check in and make changes to things that make you unhappy. I just this week found a new song on my iPod that I hadn’t paid attention to before–A Beautiful Day by India Arie (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZNavhGrzJ4). If you listen to the lyrics, it is an amazing message. In fact, I think it will be my 2018 anthem that I will listen to every morning on the way to work to get my head in the right place. Work should calm down some, my kids will continue to get older and have their own life traditions, my grandkids will continue to grow and start new traditions in their lives, friends will come and go, and life will go on. I fully intend to be part of my family’s traditions (by force if necessary) and I have promises of continuing with old family Christmas traditions this next year because my kids were unhappy to miss out on them, so 2018 promises to be another amazing year.

Age is something that I have no control over, but how I treat people, how I allow others to treat me, and how I treat myself are all in my control. I will make a real effort to take charge of my own life and be happy where I am. Bitchy McGrumperson can take a hike. Life is far too short to spend it bitching and complaining and feeling  like others are in control of my life. Here’s to an absolutely remarkable 2018!

Bitch and Complain or Preach and Sustain

Have you ever listened to yourself in a conversation? Are you positive sounding? If everything that comes out of your mouth is a negative thought, how do you think that makes you feel? And then how do you come off to others? 

I know there are plenty of times that I complain about things, but I’m actually trying to be better about catching myself and changing my words. If you are putting negative energy into your world, what do you think you are getting back? You guessed it! You’re getting back negative energy. Do you want that in your life? Or do you want people around you to feel that energy and try to change it for you? Is that really fair to them? You are the only one in charge of you. 

I’ve known energy vampires throughout my life. Those are the people who suck the energy out of you while you’re trying to help them be less negative to keep your energy positive. Those people are physically and emotionally draining. They truly suck all of your energy out of you. And that leaves no positive energy for you. People with no positive energy are true Negative Nellies.

I’ve spent time with people who were so negative, their energy completely enveloped me, making me believe all of the negative crap they were saying. I then have to make the decision to either get sucked into all that negativity or change the subject (and my outlook) into something much more positive.

The next time you are in a group of people, just listen to the conversation around you. Do you have people at the airport describing in great detail the problems they had getting to the airport, checking bags, making connections, or boarding? What does that do to you? Does it make you worry about the rest of your trip and what things could go wrong? What about the people at work complaining (constantly) about the boss? Does that make you start thinking that those things are true and making you focus on every little thing that goes wrong but may not even affect you? Just stop! When you start hearing those things and you’re not involved in the conversation, turn your ears off. Quit listening to the negativity. If you are part of the conversation, redirect it. Start talking about something else and ask questions of others in the conversation to get them talking about something else. Start making other people feel positive about their own life. 

Life is far too short to be mired in negativity. Don’t participate in it and don’t condone it. Think about good things going on in your life and work to perpetuate them. Preach positivity. Lift people up. Positive thoughts multiply just the same way negative thoughts do, and I would much rather be surrounded by positive thoughts and positive people–and so I am! I’ve made that choice to make my life better. Shouldn’t you?

Show Your Love . . . Before It’s Too Late

Tell ThemI heard news today that tore at my heart. The father of my grandchildrens’ friends was killed yesterday in a traffic accident. I had never met him nor had I met his family. But the fact that it will affect my family affected me.

I’m not going to go into detail about exactly what happened to him other than to make a few points, and these don’t necessarily have anything to do with the details, just things that come into my mind:

  1. You never know when you will lose a loved one or good friend. Tell them today that you love them. Don’t wait! Treat them each day like it will be the last time you see them.
  2. Please, please be careful when you’re driving. Put your phone away and concentrate on what you’re doing. Pay attention. When you are driving, drive. Don’t drive distracted. Don’t Snapchat in your car. Don’t record your carpool karaoke for YouTube. Don’t have crazy conversations with your friends. Just. Drive.
  3. Recognize that your vehicle is a weapon. It is very capable of killing someone and I can’t imagine the horror of living with that for the rest of your life.
  4. Pray for everyone. Pray for his family that is now tasked with learning to live without his physical presence. Pray for the young woman who was behind the wheel of the car that killed him that she can somehow learn to deal with that knowledge. Pray for the police officers who came upon the horrific scene and now have to investigate exactly what happened. Pray for all of the people who knew him and didn’t get the chance to say goodbye. And say a little prayer for yourself that you can do the things I’ve mentioned above to prevent another senseless tragedy.

Take care of yourself and all of your loved ones, whether related by blood or by love. And please tell people how much they mean to you TODAY.

The Importance of Averages . . . and Friends

-You Are The AverageOf The Five PeopleYou Spend The Most Time With-Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” This is a very important life lesson. Look at your closest circle of friends and if you spend any time with them at all, you will note that you all share traits, likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. etc. Everything is not exact, of course, because you’re all your own people, but when you spend time with people, you pick up on their attitudes and habits–whether they are good or bad. The next time you are with your group of friends, just watch for a while and decide if you really want to be like them.

Are your friends Debbie Downers? Always complaining about EVERYTHING? Do they hate everyone and everything? Do they gossip incessantly?

Something to remember is that if they are complaining about everything to you and gossiping to you about other people, chances are really good that they are doing the same about you to others. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life

You need to hang around with people who are your biggest cheerleaders. The people who will push you just a little to do something you really want to do but talk yourself out of because you aren’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, just plain enough. Because you are! And you need the people who will tell you so on your team.

You need people who will motivate you, who will encourage you to be adventurous, who will play and have fun with you, who will always want you to be your absolute best. You DON’T need someone who is always trying to get you into trouble, who talks you into doing things you don’t think are right, who tries to get you to dislike people or be a “mean girl,” who put you down to lift themselves up.

True friends will help you up and slow down if they have to so you can keep up or encourage you to keep up with them. They will encourage you to do more than you ever thought was possible. They will always be there cheering you on–no matter what it is you are doing.

Those are the people you need in your life because that’s how you want to be. So take a good hard look at the people you are surrounding yourself with. If you really don’t want to be like them, start finding a new group of friends. Trust me, the old “friends” won’t miss you a bit and you will be replaced before you can say “I love myself too much to hang around you.”